Thursday, April 28, 2005

You Are Hereby Judged 

I took the quiz on Mich David's blog and I must say I wasn't really surprised by the end result. I suppose you live your life the way you were brought up. I think I might make a good dictator in some small country somewhere. Or quit school now and join Legal Studies then graduate, become a legislator and make software piracy legal. Lol.


On hindsight, maybe this explains the recent sch proj episode. Hahaha. A philosophical excuse. Hows that?



You scored as Justice (Fairness).
Your life is guided by the concept of Fair Justice: Everyone, yourself included, should be rewarded and punished according to the help or harm they cause.


"He who does not punish evil commands it to be done."
--Leonardo da Vinci


“Though force can protect in emergency, only justice, fairness, consideration and cooperation can finally lead men to the dawn of eternal peace.”
--Dwight D. Eisenhower


Many thanks to Mich for providing the link again.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 10:06:00 PM |

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Wah Lau Eh! Lame Lah! 

I have a funny bunch of soccer buddies with whom I have a nice game of street soccer every now and then. Yes, every now and then....or whenever they threaten to headbutt my door down using my poor neighbour Robin and make an installation art piece out of my underwear. Why Robin you might ask? Well, apart from the obvious reason that bashing stuff with your own head is generally a bad and ultimately unwise idea, they proudly exclaim that "his hairgel is so oily that even if your door doesnt break then we can still set fire to the gel and burn it down". And then they usually break into mad Ah-Beng laughter which always seemed to remind me of horny hyenas at a Triumph fashion show.


Because we are only human (or "hy-men": a clever combo of hyena and human according to the ever-cheeky-and-even-aunties-can-be-chio-ok Jian), we usually take short 15 min breaks in between sessions. Or whenever the hyenas spot a passing prey in which case the 15 mins get extended to an additional 10 mins of 'prey assessment', an evaluative method similar to that used by aunties (chio and un-chio) when choosing pork, fish or meat at the market. Except we dont prod and poke.


During these breaks, apart from the usual neanderthal tradition of scratching our itchy bits and throwing our smelly jerseys around, the gang usually engages in utterly pointless and sometimes chauvinistic chatter. Sometimes it can be mildly intellectual - the economic merits of monogamy; sometimes totally anal - how aircon makes gelled-up hair go down. Other times, we actually learn a useful tip or two. Like this particular topic of pick-up lines which cropped up in yet another boh-liao chat. Now being the hot-blooded hyenas that they are, most of them are not alien to using pick-up lines, sometimes with disastrous body-harming results. Thus, after much hyena-laughing and head smacking, listed below is a short list of lines (field-tested and in no order of preference) that we complied. Use at own risk!


1. Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I? (Roger, who used this, got told to "go sleep with the fishes instead". Ouch)


2. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me? (According to Jian, the Ah-Lian did not get the 'hold it against me' pun...Lol)


3. Hi, I make more money than you can spend. (Useful only if u got a credit card or something that remotely looks like one under the dim lights!)


4. Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? (If she says no, then you get screwed, if she says yes then well you still get screwed. You just cant lose. Jian's favourite)


5. If I pet you, would you follow me home? (Note:Ah-Lians usually wont understand. "Hah? Pet? Suo ser mo?")


6. Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? (Sundi:Prepare to move fast if u see Thousand Buddha Palm heading your way.)


Disclaimer: Above lines were not thought of by us, just field-tested. Yes, we risk life and limb to do stupid stuff like this. Yes, we deserve to get slapped, smacked, kicked, punched, spat at etc. But hey, why do people keep buying lottery again and again?


Because you never know....

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 7:50:00 AM |

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Pah Chiu 

While I was sitting at my keyboard attempting to hammer out yet another entry today, a strange thought entered my mind as mysteriously as the way my wallet empties itself every now and then. No, it wasn't another world domination plan or kinky fantasy. Neither was it about the physics-defying pile of clothes stacked up in the corner that threatened to achieve a Guiness World Record on its own.


No, it was a simple thought. One that did not require much posturing beforehand. One of those things that just pop up when you least expect it, at the most unlikely time. Kinda like when you are taking a poop in the loo and you suddenly become struck by the intricate textures of the well..."end product". You marvel at how nature has suitably structured the elongated shape to allow an easy exit, how it manages to navigate the labyrinth of a digestinal system without any map or GPS. Maybe, just maybe... it reads road maps along the way. "Slide left at the next vein to exit at the lower rectum". But I digress.


"If I were to rob a bank one day, who among my friends would I take with me?"


That, my friend, was the time-stopping question that silently assaulted my brain processes and gradually took control like I do when I realise there isn't enough toilet paper. Who would make a good bank robber? A partner in crime. Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Jack Neo and Mark Lee. An interesting question indeed.


Would I choose......


Someone naggy and whiny - so that I would be constantly reminded about how long the bank manager was taking with the vault key and that even Yoda would have died and reincarnated by the time he was done?


Someone no-nonsense and serious - so that we wouldn't waste time at meetings trying to decide which designer brand to use as our gang uniform? Btw, if you think bank robbers need not look good, well try wearing a curtain to your next robbery dude. Which is why, Hollywood robbers ALWAYS look dressed-to-kill. Literally.


Someone voluptuous with zero gravity assets - so that the guards would be distracted not only by how we managed to wear Bathing Ape all over and yet still have to rob a bank but also by the bombshell with mammaries that threaten to erupt and spill out of the suit. Like a thousand-year- old volcano which suddenly sneezes because some fat Americano tourist used too much pepper on his hotdog.


Someone quiet and non-intrusive - so that finally, somebody is listening to what is actually going on and not whine about how Yoda looks better in CG now or defend the fact that mammaries can unbelievably defy Newton's theory.


Someone who can lead by example - so that only he/she gets stuck in the air-con vent and not all of us? "No lah, can squeeze through one. Come I show you all....".


So there, something to think about for all you bored souls out there. No manga? No problem. No cartoons? No problem. Work stress getting you down? No problem. Cant find that CD? No problem.


Catch up with your pals and go rob a bank. Now where's my toilet paper?

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 10:52:00 PM |


No more Star Trek. Sundays are going to be boring again.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 10:41:00 PM |

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Friday, April 22, 2005

101 Ways To A Satisfying Holiday 

Holidays have been fun so far. Bashing heads in, ramming bodies into the wall and grounding them into dust. Cleaving bodies into two and lopping their heads off. Puncturing their lungs with a spiky club. Separating their limbs and head with a scimitar. And them use the parts to dish out more of the same. Or dropping huge 50kg boulders onto their craniums. On special occasions, I douse them in sticky oil and then light them up like a christmas tree. Or leave them with only one eye with a well-placed arrow. N then stand back and appreciate the crimson fountain.


On some days, things are more quiet. I sneak around in the shadows and creep up on unsuspecting people. I stalk them through long dark alleys and slither along dim corridors. Slowly I close the distance. And then put a noose around their necks. Or a knife to their throats. Sometimes I decide to stick the knife in. Sometimes I just strain their necks a little too hard. Either way brings a satisfying crack or gurgle. Yes, gurgle not giggle. Hard to giggle when you have cold steel jostling for space with your windpipe.


On a grander scale, I call in surgical strikes from satellite uplinks and deliver 12 tons of unfriendly stuff on them. Not much left after the mushroom cloud. A few barrages of hot iron raining from the sky usually achieves the same result too. Or drive a humvee with a ticking C4 on the hood and then watch it careen into the hapless crowd. One click later and we have a mess.


These are the games I play. Not a bad way to let off steam. Stress therapy. Happy holidays!

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 11:59:00 PM |

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

Pictorial 

More photos from the travelling camera phone:


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Sunset on a building somewhere in SG



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Intriguing tunnel to nowhere


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The colors of life...


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and death


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The end of another day



On a sidenote, the released results were quite a surprise. On the whole, I feel a little lucky and very much blessed. I guess the Big Guy's really looking out for me...Now to see if the choice I made turns out for the best.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 7:58:00 PM |

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Monday, April 18, 2005

City of Blinding Lights 

Image hosted by Photobucket.com



When a photo opportunity presents itself, you just gotta take it. Even when you only got a makeshift camera phone.


I like weekends. I like weekends because I can hide out at home away from the maddening crowds at Orchard or the boring I-stare-at-u-and-u-pretend-not-to-stare-back games that we all play during MRT rides. Nobody stares at me when I'm walking from my room to the kitchen in my house. If I had a dog, it probably wouldn't even give a hoot. Unless I happen to be holding a bone or chewy beef jerky. Then that's a different story. But then again, since the house Matriarch does not exactly permit canine ambassadors in her country, the abovementioned scenario probably wouldnt happen anytime soon.


So there you have it. A peaceful and carefree time in the house on a lazy weekend. I walk from the bedroom to the toilet for a bombing run and there's no distraction. I creep from the living room to the kitchen for emergency food shipments and I know I'm safe from radars. Clear skies ahead, Captain.


Wonder if there are any kindred souls out there...

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 2:19:00 AM |

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Friday, April 15, 2005

LoL 

Ok before the flaming sms-es and hate-mail start to pile up and I risk estranging myself from the fairer ones, let me provide a deeper insight to the previous 'chauvinist' entry...and why I'm proven right so far...lol


"The female of the species..."


Now note that I only said "The female of the species..." - with no obvious reference to any particular life form that can often be found at shopping malls and sales etc. So considering this (overlooked) point, it can thus be determined to be referring to any donkey, ape or pig. And not again necessarily refer to the abovementioned life forms who have a preference for mall-dwelling. Lol.


So see what I mean by "diverted concentration" and "lack of focus"? If only the affected would look closer (read:concentrate) at the wording, then all misunderstandings would be avoided. Lol.


Btw, don't tell me apes, donkeys and other whatnots can't play computer games. If IBM can make a chess-winning computer then why can't a pig be trained likewise? Just that maybe the females do not perform optimally that's all...Lol.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 12:34:00 PM |

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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Warning: Chauvinist statement! 

The female of the species are generally not adept at computer gaming due to their lack of focus caused by the onset of the need to multi-task, resulting in diverted concentration and subsequent lead poisoning (read: shot full of holes).

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 12:51:00 AM |

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Around The World 

Travelling around the world in an Osprey is fun. Well ok, maybe not the entire world but from Dili to Nice to Jerusalem to LAX and back to Palembang.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 11:30:00 PM |

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Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 

"How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" keeps looping in my head. I kept hearing and listening to it. Over and over again. Ad nauseum. Sounds quite good actually. Kinda grows on you. Not fully impressive at first but i suppose it's meant to be slowly appreciated, just like vintage wine...


Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough


Local tv programming is bad. Monopoly clearly doesnt work. That's why Microsoft keeps hitting a stone wall. Cable is another alternative though that is another story altogether. You get what you pay for. Free-to-air tv is free so why complain? Well, when you are the National TV station then yes you have to at least offer some decent fare. Not hastily insert shows only after they start winning awards. Worst if they are already so many seasons ahead...


You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight


Sound or CG? I'm still not quite sure of the choice I made. One is more popular than the another but the other is traditionally valued more. Pencils vs Microphones. Staedtler vs Sennheiser. Digital workstations vs half-normalled patch-bays. Wonder if I'll regret it later...


Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone...


"Unwanted sound is noise"...so when someone makes noise it means no one wants to hear it? What really constitutes noise? Is it thus a bad thing when people dont talk so much? For the quiet ones: Silence is golden...still waters run deep... For the 'outspoken': empty vessels make the most noise...talk is cheap...action speaks louder than words. So which is the better?


Sometimes you can't make it on your own...











Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 11:22:00 PM |

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Monday, April 04, 2005

Eve of Adha 

A man begins each day by trading with his soul
Either he wins it or he ruins it

Hadith


Those were the opening lines in Mr Leonard Yip's film 'Eve of Adha', shown on Arts Central tonight. Pretty thought-provoking isn't it? They certainly caught my attention. Classic way to start a film off. The haunting Arabic music in the background fitted perfectly too. Shot in pale, dark tones with low-key lighting n lots of shadows, the mood of the film was clearly sombre and gritty. Which suited my tastes just fine.


How the storyline ties in with the film's opening lines still eludes me a little. Is it trying to illustrate, through the protagonist and the choices that he made, that our actions each day will somehow inevitably determine whether the soul is one step closer to salvation or slipping ever deeper into damnation? Certainly, the film had a religious overtone to it so perhaps my theory of the exploration of the man grappling with his humanity each day isn't so far off.


On the whole, 'Eve of Adha' is a much darker film compared to the others (it being another of his VCA projects added to the contrast too). I wonder how the local audience will receive the actual message....

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 11:35:00 PM |

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Sunday, April 03, 2005

Le Slang 

More good stuff...


KENA
Malay term which denotes that something has happened. Closest English approximation is "to get".
1. "He kena scolded by the teacher." (He was scolded by the teacher.)
2. "He kena whack by Ah Beng." (He got hit by Ah Beng.)


KENA ... UPSIDE DOWN
Denotes having received especially harsh treatment. Fill in your own verb between 'kena' and 'upside down'.
1. "Wah lau, today I kena screwed upside down by my boss."
2. "Piang, yesterday our football team kena thrash upside down."


KENA JACK
A term originating with the Mats, it means to be trumped, tricked or taken advantage of by someone. Possibly derived from "hijack"
1."The score is 1-0... our team all kena jack siah!"


KENA QIE (pronounced chee-eh)
A hybrid Malay-Mandarin phrase, it is derived from the Malay word 'kena' (meaning 'to be afflicted with') and the Mandarin word 'qie' (meaning "slice"). It is used to describe undergoing something difficult or onerous, such as losing a game.
1."Wah lau! Yesterday's maths exam, kena qie!"
2."Yesterday, I kena qie by Ah Beng in snooker."


KENA SAI
A happy marriage of Malay and Chinese meaning to get into trouble. Literally, "got hit by shit."
1."He didn't do his homework, so kena sai from the teacher."

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 12:30:00 AM |

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Saturday, April 02, 2005

The Boh Liao Entry 

Reproduced from Talkingcock.com - Singapore's premier satirical site!


The Academy Awards are over and here are some categories that should be there, but kena chopped:



1. Greatest Disregard Shown to the Basic Laws of Physics


2. Most Heck Care Adaptation


3. Best Disguised Product Placement


4. Most Overpaid Actor or Actress


5. Best Performance by a Female Running Through the Rain in a Clingy, Almost Transparent Dress


6. Cheapest Special Effects


7. Best Tear-Jerking 'Handicapped' Performance by a Non-Handicapped Actor


8. Best Performance by a Body Double


9. Greatest Test of Bladder Control


10. Picture That is Liked Only By The Speccy Nerds In Your Class


11. Best Removal of Clothes For No Apparent Reason


12. Best Catch Phrase That You and Your Wu Liao Friends Will Keep Repeating to Each Other in the Coming Weeks


13. Best Breasts in a Supporting Role


14. Movie Most Likely To Turn Up at Your Bus Interchange Before Its Release Date


15. Best Movie That Sure Kena Censored in Singapore


16. Best Movie That Sure Won't Be Shown in Singapore In The First Place

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 11:55:00 PM |

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Friday, April 01, 2005

One Down 

According to Mr Tan who announced the news on MeL, EVERYBODY passed LocSound n that "we should enjoy our holidays because second year will be a lot tougher". Personally, I feel relieved yet somehow the last part of that statement sounded a bit foreboding. Lol. Oh well, best of luck for all those who are going to be affected by that 'warning'.


Regarding the stuff about Gravatar in my earlier post, click on the haloscan comment link at the end of that post to see a sample of how it works. Note that u can specify the size of the image shown on your own blog haloscan. Dont worry, all images submitted to the gravatar site are subject to a rating system and yes, you the blog owner can choose the rating limit to show - whether R, G, PG etc. Just like the movies. In case anyone's wondering, NO i don't get a commission or any reward for plugging this stuff. Lol. Feel free to oppose or ignore.


Speaking of movies, Straits Times reported a ticket price hike starting frm May. WTH!? Going to the movies is like the ONLY useful Singaporean past-time and now they are going to make it more expensive. Oh well, I guess we really do need a casino after all. Why? So that we can all go there and try our luck to win some money just so we can go watch a movie. Sigh.

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 7:00:00 PM |


Romance of the Three Kingdoms juz ended and I'm already starting to suffer from withdrawal symptoms. Trust Mediacorp to schedule it to end just as the hols start. Great, what am I going to watch on Thurs n Fri nites now? To make things worse, they replaced it with some boring same-old-period-drama-comedy starring Jordan Chan. Haiz...if they had the moolah to suck in Mediaworks then why can't they have more entertaining stuff to show? So much for Channel 8, the "premiere Chinese channel in Singapore".


Anyway today is April Fool's Day. I bet the pranksters are having a field day. I wonder how many vulgarities have been/are going to be scolded by the victims. Lol.


Btw, for those with Haloscan on their blogs, have you all enabled Gravatar under the settings? Supposedly shows ppl's own avatar pic when they leave a comment, provided they signed up with Gravatar. If this is old news, then I apologise cos I just found out today. Haha. Besides, I haven't seen it in action on any of the other blogs with Haloscan....

Obsidien
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The Bat posted at 5:20:00 AM |

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